Best. Review. Ever.
Magazine:  Metal Hammer
Issue: 212
Article: MCR WTF?

My Chem were once the most exciting punk band on the block.  What happened?
Loved by millions and seemingly hated by an equal amount of rock and metal fans, My Chemical Romance are set to release their fifth studio album, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys on November 22, returning to a music world that has changed considerably since they released The Black Parade back in 2006.  

Four years ago, MCR could do no wrong.  After exploding into the mainstream with their hook-stuffed sophomore effort, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge in 2004, the New Jersey quintet were poised in the brink of global hugeness and duly delivered an album that made it plain that they had ni intenton of pandering to the restrictive demands of the punkscene that spawned them.  Overblown and unashamedly ambitious, it delighted many fans while simutaneously annoying the merry shit out of everyone else.  Bits of it ounded like a a Broadway musical.  other bits didn't such quite so much.  It sold by the million and MCR became the arena-bothering titans of their dreams, headlined Download (to the mother of all mixed responses) and notched up a Metal Hammer cover in the process.  But then, inexplicably, the band effectively did fuck-all for four years.

Fast forward to 2010, and the teenage rock kids that thrilled to Three Cheers... six years ago are now in their early twenties, and it's hard to image many of them feeling the same emotion connection to Gerard Ways dewy-eyed tales of angst and adolescent empowerment that they did when they were at school.  In fact, one listen to Danger Days..., with its overly poppy production, syrupy ballads and a starling lack of excitement or hooks demonstrates that MCR are really not bothered about maintaining the interest of those metalheads who had time for an ambitious pop-punk band in the first place.  Aside from feisty first single Na Na Na, this is surely a record aimed at people who like indie rock and mainstream pop.  Those of us who like music that actually smells of danger, rather than just pretending to, should probably look elsewhere.

Jacob/Edward = Hot/Cold
Title: "Hot/Cold"
Author: Vegesoup
Paring: Jacob Black/Edward Cullen
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex, cuss words
Summary: Edward has angered Jacob beyond measure and to avoid family confrontation after a fight, they flee into the woods. However, something shifts in the boys and Edward decides Jacob needs to be cooled off...
(Italics = Jacob's thoughts)


To Edward, Bella represented everything he could never have.  In the day, her skin flushed pink against the sun’s rays.  At night, she slept peacefully, her chest rising and falling in a way that his hadn’t for a long, long time.  Her hair was soft and thick, her blood warm, and for all these things, Edward was envious.  But with Jacob?  He was furious.
Jacob didn’t flush in the sunlight, but tanned deep and evenly.  He perspired, he ran.  At night, he slept heavily, chest heaving with the weight of the previous day and slowing as it ebbed away gradually.  His hair was dark and thick, his skin incredibly hot.  Heat radiated from Jacob, from the very pores in his flesh.  The idea, the simple thought that Jacob had twice the fire in his core that Edward used to have was torture to him.  And for this, he hated him.

Edward jerked his mind away from his own thoughts and concentrated on the foreign ones entering his mind.  “I’ll kill him.  I’ll find him and fucking kill him...”
Edward straightened himself in the drivers seat, peering discreetly into the rear view mirror.  True to what he figured, he spied Jacob fuming towards him, checking each car as passed and moving on quickly.  Edward, however, was calm.  He stepped out of the car, locking it quickly behind him and found himself pushed harshly against the door, Jacob’s furious face centimeters from his own.

“What did you do?  What have you done?  Where the fuck is Bella?”

Edward said nothing.  Jacob was emitting enough heat and frustration for the two of them, physically and mentally.  His eyes were dark and wide, skin gleaming with a thin sheen of perspiration from running, his hair a mess.  His thoughts were running rampant.  Death threats, attack plans, worry, grief, sadness, abandonment... 

“You really are just a lost puppy, aren’t you?” he said, meeting Jacob’s eyes for the first time.  He did his very best to still his face from smirking when Jacob’s eyes darkened considerably.  “Look at you, you don’t know what to do now that you’re off your leash.”

Jacob’s lip flared, his breathing getting quicker.  “Don’t you fucking dare.” he whispered.

Now, Edward thought, would be the perfect time to smirk.  Storm clouds surged through Jacobs mind and as the thunder clapped, his fist flew forward. Edward caught it, the force sending both their hands through the car window.  Jacob groaned in pain and removed his hand from the shattered glass.  He backed away from the shrieking car alarm and flung his fist once more at Edward, this time colliding it with the vampires shoulder.  Edward snarled, pressing his shoulder with his opposite palm, testing the pain.  “You’re pathetic.”  

Furious at the other mans indifference, he ran forward, grabbing Edward by the collar of his shirt and jerked him forward.  “Just tell me what you did to make her leave.”

Again, nothing.  Edward’s face remained expressionless, unreadable.  Jacob snarled but it was Edward who got there first.  Edward pushed him away from the broken glass and the piercing sounds, causing Jacob to trip and stumble backwards into the trees.  Edward followed, trying to divert this pointless tussle away from the cars, the people, the parting clouds.

“I wasn’t the one who made her leave.” he said carefully, watching Jacob stand awkwardly, finding his footing on the uneven forrest floor. 

“Of course you were,” Jacob spat.  “That’s what you do, isn’t it?”  

Edward could hear what he was thinking, knew what he was going to say next, but he wanted to push Jacob as far as he’d go.  “And what is that supposed to mean?” he said, getting within a inch of Jacob’s face.  Jacob shoved him forcefully.  
“You know well what it means.”  

Edward pushed back.  “Say it!”  Jacob glared and Edward chuckled.  “I knew it.  Coward.”

In a flash, Jacob pounced, pinning Edward by his neck to the large tree trunk behind them.  Edward felt the bark grate at his back and Jacob’s hot, too hot, breath on his face.  “You’re disgusting.” Jacob said, forcing the words from his lips like they were foul, bitter.  “You’re manipulative, parasitic.”  Jacob’s eyes narrowed, nostrils flared.  “You...stink.”

Edward saw it coming and could easily have come back with a similar “Yeah well you smell of wet dog” comment, but no.  Instead, he backed down.  “I didn’t tell her to go.”
Jacob stared, disbelieving. 

“I didn’t.”  Edward met Jacob’s eyes, staring him down cold and hard.  “She went back, all on her own accord.”  Jacob barked out a harsh laugh, still not backing out of Edward’s personal space.  “I don’t believe you.  You’re meant to be her boyfriend or something, aren’t you?  What kind of man just lets her leave?”

Edward’s gaze never faltered.  He stayed still, unmoving.  How dare he?  How dare he for a minute even think that Edward didn’t try.  Because Edward HAD tried.  He followed her, tried talking to her, even tried threatening her, but it was all for nothing.  Bella was stubborn, even more so than himself and so that was it.  She was gone.

Edward scowled.

Suddenly, he stopped. He could hear them, dozens of pairs of feet approaching, drawn like moths to the screeching siren of the car alarm. There were people scurrying closer, animals scurrying away and...his family. Alice was coming, so was Emmett. He could feel Jacob’s brothers too and the tension in the air. He did not want to be around when they arrived. He knew how this looked, he and Jacob with cuts and bruises. He didn’t want to have to explain this, or explain Bella. He shot Jacob a glance and found to his suprise, that Jacob had sensed the near arrival of his own family too. Likewise, he was dreading it.

“This way,” Edward muttered, making his way through the trees and branches, further into the forrest. He could feel Jacob following him and hear the string of obscenities running through his mind. He continued, zig-zagging through the trees until he could only dimly hear the sirens, only vaguely sense his family. He would be sheltered here until it blew over. Questions could be answered later. He paused at an open area where the trees formed a circle, leaves shed like a blanket in the middle. He walked swiftly around the perimeter, careful to keep in the shade and sat beneath one of the fuller trees. Jacob stopped too, but he didn’t move. “Why did we-”

“It’s quieter here.” Edward cut in, already hearing Jacob’s thoughts. “Our families are coming. They’d have questions. I doubt you want to explain the broken glass and the bruises as much as I do.” he drawled. Jacob frowned. He fidgeted on his feet, looking over his shoulder before finally decided, “Fuck, he’s right.” and settling himself in the shade on the opposite side of the glenn.

It was getting late in the afternoon and the sun was streaming through the spaces in the leafy canopy above.  Jacob found himself, lost.  He had no idea what to say to Edward, what to do.  He didn’t feel he could leave, not while Edward was staring at him like that.  Jacob cursed the fact that Edward could read his mind, then realised that Edward could hear that and got flustered again. 
Edward smirked and Jacob knew he had to say something to break this awkward silence.  

The sun was beating down on his skin, hot and unwavering and he flapped his collar against his throat to try and fan himself a little.  He glared over at Edward, sitting in the shade of a near-by tree wearing jeans and a coat.  “Jesus,” he groaned.  “Aren’t you hot?”
Edward smiled slowly, eyes never leaving Jacob’s face.  He said nothing, shaking his head slowly.  

Jacob wanted nothing more than to go home.  He hated with every once of his being having to stay in the presence of the vampire.  He hated the smell of him, the condescending look on his arrogant face.  He hated the heat.  More than anything, he wanted to go home, but he couldn’t.  Not until the alarms had stopped.  Neither of them could risk being seen by their families with cuts and bruises near a broken car window.  No, it’s best they waited.  Together. 

Jacob pulled at his collar again.  He rearranged himself in the leaves, fidgeting.  He rolled up his sleeves, blew on his face, did anything to cool himself down.  And still, that arrogant smirk.  

The minutes ticked by, at least 10 or 15, and the sun had only grown hotter, and Jacob was roasting alive.  He had done all he could save for stripping in order to stay cool.  No tree provided enough shade, so amount of fanning himself helped.  He didn’t even have any water.  This was getting ridiculous.  All he could think about was ice and water and freezers and... 

“Oh for heavens sakes, here.”

Edward stood swiftly and marched over.  Jacob, confused, opened his mouth to ask him what in the hell he thought he was doing, until a cool, almost icy hand placed itself on his forehead.  He snapped back immediately, the sudden temperature change a shock to the system, but Edward held steady as Jacob groaned with pleasure.  Edward watched his reaction curiously.  His eyes fluttered closed, his face instantly calming.  His breathes became slower and deeper and his shoulders lowered, releasing whatever tension had been in them.  It was...fascinating.  Jacob, who was so hot-blooded was being cooled.  The wolf was being tamed, only if temporarily.  Edward smirked, liking that idea.  And so, he tried something.  He kept his left hand at its place on Jacob’s forehead and place right on Jacob’s cheek.  He flinched again, but grew used to cool hand quicker than the first time.  Jacob groaned again, this time a small smile curved its way across his lips.  His mouth opened, panting lightly.
“Fuck, yes. gooooood.....who even, cares what it long as....not too long....cold....yes.....”

Edward smirked again.  Perhaps if he....
Edward moved his hand from Jacob’s forehead into his hair, running over his scalp lightly.  Jacob clenched his eyes shut, leaning into this cold hands, trying to keep the pressure and temperature consistent.  “There there,” Edward cooed softly.  “There’s a good puppy.”

Like a gunshot, Edward heard it before it happened.  Jacob pushed Edward back, causing him to stumble slightly, regaining his balance swiftly.  “Don’t!” Jacob growled.  “Don’t call me that or I’ll, I’ll...”  But Edward wasn’t in the mood for this.  He didn’t want to spend however long they were stuck in this glade fighting, arguing.  He was tired of it.  He raised his hands, backing down.  

“Okay, look.  I wont,” he swallowed, grimacing.  “I wont call you that anymore.  I am just trying to help and I’m afraid that old habits take a while to die.”

Jacob exhaled through his nose, disbelieving.  “Fine,” he said eventually.  “Okay.”

Time passed in awkward silence.  It was hotter than before, if that’s even possible and Jacob found himself missing those hands.  Not who they belonged to, but what they brought.  Sweet, satisfying cold.  “Okay.” he repeated, breaking the monotony.  Edward looked up from where he was sitting, golden eyes meeting brown ones.  “You can, you know.”  Jacob flailed his hands around his head, not really wanting to ask for it.  “Do what you were doing...before.  With the cold.”

Edward smirked.  He felt a rush from the wolf begging, needing something from Edward that he could take away so easily.  He stood and walked back over to Jacob, kneeling carefully beside where Jacob was sitting amongst the leaves.  He placed both hands either side of the other boys cheeks and Jacob sighed audibly, eyes fluttering closed. 

 “Just so you know,” Jacob breathed, swallowing thickly and Edward’s hand moved from his cheeks down his neck to rest on his shoulders.  “I don’t, mmm, need this.  Not from you.  It’s just a,”  Jacob hissed as Edward pushed his palms into his shoulders, testing.  “It’s just temporary.”  Edward nodded.  He knew.  He knew from the moment he saw Jacob coming towards him in the rear view mirror that whatever interaction they were going to have today would be temporary.  But, he figured, why not make the most of this while it’s here?
Underneath him, Jacob squirmed uncomfortably.  Edward flexed his fingers, only then noticing the damp patches on the other boys shirt.  Condensation.  
“You’re kidding me...fuck.”

“My shirt, crap.  It’s all wet....”

“Just take it off.”

Jacob stilled, eyebrow raised.  “Yeah right,” he scoffed.  “Like I’m going to do that here, in front of you.”

“Why not?” Edward mused, enjoying the confusion and almost, worry, circling Jacob’s head.  “That can’t be comfortable.” 

Jacob sighed.  He was right, his shirt was sticking and it felt awkward and, fine.  Screw it.  He pulled his shirt over his head swiftly, instantly feeling cooler.  Despite Edward’s eyes on him, he felt good like this, natural.  He closed his eyes, reveling while he could until the sun burned directly onto his skin, heating him up once more.  Before he could complain however, he felt those cold hand on his shoulders once again.  It came as a shock and he flinched, but for once he was pleased that Edward was stubborn and held his ground and his body eventually got used to the cold.  

Edward had rolled up his sleeves and now that his hands were back on Jacob’s shoulders, he pressed his now bare forearms against Jacob’s chest, shuffling forward in the leaves to keep the pressure.  Edward looked down at his arm on Jacob’s chest.  His own pale, white wrist against tan, freckled flesh.  He frowned.  It was, ugly.  Unnatural.  He hated the imperfections, cuts and freckles, that dotted Jacob’s skin and he hated even more that he didn’t have any himself.  And yet, he was mesmerised.  Jacob’s skin was rougher to the touch than Bella’s, definitely than his.  It was warm, too warm and he breathed deeply, his chest rising and falling extensively.  It still wasn’t enough.  Jacob still wasn’t satisfied, he was still too warm.  He added pressure to Jacob’s chest a leaned forward a little, testing.  Now that Jacob was cooling, Edward found he didn’t smell quite so much like a filthy animal.  In fact, he smelled almost like a human.  And so, he leaned further...

Jacob couldn’t think.  His body wouldn’t let him think about anything other than “COLD IS GOOD.  COLD IS GOOD.  COLD IS GOOD.”  There was a flicker of a thought, buried right in the back of his mind that what was happening can’t be good.  It wasn’t right to be this close to someone, let alone a boy, let alone a Cullen.  But it just, felt too good.  Something was changing though.  Edward was shifting above him, moving closer and Jacob could feel the cold radiating from Edward’s thighs onto his own.  He felt Edward’s icy breath against his chin and suddenly, more.  He gasped audibly as Edward rested his cheek against his.  The cold was shocking, he could feel it in his skull.  He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, gasping. 

The cold was intense, but the pain and shock gradually ebbed away and became soothing and he relaxed once more.  He inhaled and nearly gagged.  Edward smelled awful, like his freezer.  He smelled of meat, just sitting in the ice.  Not dead, not living, not even allowed to rot.  Icy blood suspended in animation.  It was foul and Jacob lifted his chin to get away from it only to be met with a face full of messy brown hair.  Actually, that didn’t smell quite so bad...

Moments had passed where neither boy moved.  The sun had shifted since they had first entered the glade and their spot that was once in shade was now bathed in searing sun light.  Jacob rolled his shoulders, finding himself actually rather comfortable.  He never thought he’d find himself here, cheek to cheek with Edward Cullen and not wanting move and therefore disturb it.  

His eyes wandered from the canopy of leaves above him to an almost identical blanket of leaves beneath him.  Something though, caught his eye.  A glitter, a sparkle.  Slowly, he watched the pale arm against his chest.  Edward’s pale skin was, moving?  No, it was sparkling.
“You’re sparkling.” he announced, not knowing how else to address it.  Edward sighed, cold breath on his shoulder.  “Wow.”

“That’s kinda’ gay.”

Edward sighed again, his palms slipping slightly on Jacob’s shoulders.  “It’s not gay.  It’s how I am.” he said, frustrated.

Jacob bit his lip.  “Mmm, no.  It’s pretty gay.  I mean, real men don’t...sparkle.”

“And real men don’t let other men who sparkle touch their naked chests.” Edward shot back.  He didn’t sound angry, just tired. 

Jacob stopped, no come back on his lips.  The bastard was right.  “Well, this is...different.”

Edward shook his head, seeking permission with his eyes before shuffling back to their almost embrace.

More moments passed where the two boys sat, still pressed together.  It was a long time since anyone had said anything, and Jacob was starting to feel guilty that one of the last things he said was that Edward’s skin was gay while he was doing him a favour.  He sighed, wetting his lips.  “I bet you miss her.”

Edward moved, detaching himself from the other boy again and sat next to him in the leaves.  Jacob wondered for a moment if he had said something wrong, then wondered suddenly why he cared.  Edward frowned, his eyebrows low.  “Of course.” he said.  “More than you know.”  Now it was Jacob’s turn to frown.  

“That’s not fair.” he scowled.  “I was close to her too.”  But Edward only shook his head.  

“It wasn’t the same.”

Jacob scratched his chin lightly.  “Hmmm.  I suppose.  It doesn’t mean you miss her more though.  In fact,” he sat up straighter, facing Edward.  “You got to be with her more.  More than I ever could.” Edward turned his face slowly, eyes meeting Jacob’s.  He said nothing but raised an eyebrow slightly.  

“Well, you were her boyfriend, weren’t you?  You must have got a few, well, privileges.”

Edward stared, not really believing that Jacob was asking him about this.  Again, he said nothing.  Apparently, this was a good enough answer for Jacob.

“You didn’t?  I mean, you didn’t even kiss her?”

Again, nothing.

“Are you serious?  Why the hell n-oh.  Oh.”

Edward almost smiled.  Jacob was so easy to read, even without his ability.  He literally heard the wheels in Jacob’s head turn and click into place.  

“You thought you’d hurt her.”

Edward said nothing, but gave Jacob a small nod for his efforts.  
“Wow.  So, you never kissed?  How did you live??”

Edward laughed despite himself.  The sound was weird to Jacob’s ears, never having thought he’d hear it.  Jacob found himself laughing too.  It was awkward and strange, but it  made his skin twitch.  He wanted to try and make Edward laugh again.  “I mean,” he licked his lips again.  “Don’t you know...”

Edward flinched.  Yes, of course.  But he hated that he felt that way.  There was no outlet for those feelings, nothing.  He didn’t trust himself with Bella and rarely trusted himself with himself, but those times were humiliating.  He felt disgusting afterwards, cowardly.  Humans made love to other humans, while monsters like him couldn’t.  He looked up to find Jacob watching him strangely.  He had no way of knowing that Edward was thinking, but there was something in his eyes like he knew. 

“I’m the same.” Jacob sighed, running a hand through his hair.  “We just need to find someone we can’t hurt.”

Edward nodded solemnly.  He did.  He needed to find someone who was no risk to him, someone who he didn’t have to continuously watch himself around, someone who would challenge him, someone who wasn’t afraid of him and REALLY wasn’t afraid of him, someone like...

Edward’s head snapped up.  “So, did you want me to?”

Jacob closed his eyes and groaned.  “I thought you’d never ask.  Yes please.”

Edward’s eyebrows raised, surprised.  But it was his idea, after all...  He shuffled closer, leaning back on one hand and placing the other on on Jacob’s shoulder like before.  Jacob’s eyes fluttered under his eye lids, his skin moving under Edward’s palm.  Edward leaned in closer, closer until his face was centimeters from Jacob’s.  Curiously, he inhaled.  He smelled...nothing.  Nothing but skin and the woods around them.  He felt Jacob’s hot breath on his own face, his long lashes against his cheeks and now, his hot, wet lips against his own.

It took Jacob a moment to realise exactly what was happening.  At first, he was just enjoying the cool against his face and shoulder but then...his mouth?  His eyes flashed open and his head snapped back.  His head was running wild with thoughts.  What the hell was happening?  Since when did this happen?  Why in the-

“You asked for this.”

He didn’t sound certain though.  He was questioning, confused.

“Uh, no?  I thought you were just going to...”
“Put your hands on me?  No, that’s still not right.  Cool my heat?  No, shit...I mean...”

Edward’s brow furrowed.  This was one of the few times in his existence that he had misinterpreted a situation.  He had two options; Cut and run, or carry on.

He chose the latter.

Once more he pressed his lips to Jacob's.  He was forceful about the kiss, unsure but determined.  Jacob struggled, but Edward held strong.  Jacob didn’t want this, he didn’t want to be alone in the clearing with, with him, kissing him, but he found himself melting into the kiss.  The cold against his hold lips felt incredible.  He was thirsty, so thirsty and he felt his own lips moving against Edward’s, trying to get inside.

Edward’s lips parted easily.  The whole act of kissing was surreal to him.  His lips tingled as cold reacted to heat and it was wet, so wet.  His hands found Jacob’s shoulders and he squeezed hard, grounding himself to the situation.  This was Jacob, it really was.  The heat was fascinating.  Hot breathes of his face, hot skin beneath his hands, hot lips against his.  Jacob’s hot tongue found Edward’s and something strange happened.  The sensation was almost unbearable.  

The warmth was ecstasy to Edward.  He moaned deeply into Jacob’s mouth, hands moving round to his back, pressing him close.  He needed more, more pressure, anything to feel what he just felt again.

To Jacob, the cold was a shock.  He inhaled suddenly, envisioning steam.  He pulled Edward closer to him, anything to get his body used to the chill faster.  It was thrilling, he had never experienced anything like this before.  He needed more.

Jacob had his hands in Edward’s hair, holding the other boys head in place.  There was no way he wasn’t going to be controlling the situation.  He was nobodies dog, nobodies bitch.  His body was screaming for more contact, more friction.  He needed to get closer, need to feel skin against his, not the thick wool of Edward’s coat, the harsh denim jeans.  No, he wanted them off.  He leaned forward as close as he could, skin prickling.  Hands left Edward’s head and he tugged at the coat, at Edward’s shirt. 
“Off.  Now.”

Edward detached himself from Jacob.  His lips were parted and pink, his eyes dark.  There was something in his face that was so dangerous, so deadly, but nothing that Edward couldn’t easily match.  He stood slowly, watching the muscles in Jacob’s chest move and curve as he did too.  He removed his coat, folding it carefully and setting it next to them in the brush.  He unbuttoned his shirt carefully, one button at a time.  Jacob stood still, panting and Edward reveled in how much power he had in that moment.  With the last button undone, he paused.  The sun was still beating down on them, Jacob’s comment about his skin still fresh in his mind.  In an unlikely act, Edward stepped back into the shade, back flush against the trunk of a tree and slipped out of his shirt, placing it neatly on top of his folded coat.  

Jacob pounced.

He pushed Edward, hard, and there was a deep crack form somewhere within the tree trunk but it held strong.  His mouth found Edward’s instantly, his chest found Edward’s.  His hands, however, had no idea where they wanted to go.  Jacob’s body was responding to the cold so quickly.  It was addictive, refreshing.  He needed as much as he could get at once.  His hands roamed the contours and curves of Edward’s lean frame, roaming from hair to hips and back up again.  

Edward moaned.  The heat was unlike anything he’d ever felt.  Jacob’s hands left trails of warmth up his body, moving  around his neck, arms, nipples.  For the first time since he could remember, Edward shivered.

He wrapped his arms around Jacob, hand splayed across Jacob’s back and pulled him in tight.  There was a groan from deep inside Jacob’s throat that made something stir inside Edward.  He needed to hear that sound again.  He pulled again, tight, but it wasn’t enough.  His hands roamed Jacob’s body, pulling and pressing to get to that place again, to make Jacob make that sound that made his cock press hard against the inside of his jeans.  Jacob moved and squirmed at the touches, pressing and pulling equally, trying to get that feeling once more.  He broke the kiss, panting, barely able to breath.  His skin was burning all over, from hot and cold and his jeans were becoming uncomfortably tight.

“Fuck.....fuck yes.....”

Two cold hands found Jacob’s hips and pulled.  Jacob cried out, Edward catching his lips suddenly.  He felt how hard Edward was beneath him and ground his hips a little, testing.  Edward moaned.  He did it again, harder and Edward released Jacob’s mouth, breathing hard. 

“Fuck!  Fuck....oh yes, fuck...”

“Oh shit, oh yes, yes yes....”

Jacob pushed again, any hinderance hey may have had was now gone.  The friction was so sweet, so good.  He cried out, loud audible sobs of pleasure crashing over him.  Edward’s hips mimicked his own and the two rocked like that, back and forth, obscenities falling from their mouths when their lips weren’t occupied with licking, sucking, tasting anywhere they could reach.

He was so close, oh so close.  His legs were feeling weak, his back starting to ache, but he couldn’t stop, not while it was this good.   “C’mon...Edward....fuck, please.....” Jacob panted.  “So close now, so close....”  

His hips became erratic, thrusting into Edward’s own gyrations.  Edward’s head was back, pale neck stretched out long and Jacob licked a path from his collar bone to those sweet, icy lips he had become obsessed with.  “Ed...ward......Edward, I’m c- I’m.....I’m c-”

He pushed one last time against Edward who pushed back, hard, the final straw before his body gave out.  He bucked quickly, yelling out loud as he came.  Edward wasn’t far behind.  He felt Edward’s hands in his shoulder blades, nails digging into his skin.  He felt Edward’s hips stutter and heard him cry out and he came too, he felt blood trickling down his back.  But he didn’t care. 

Jacob and Edward rode out the last of their orgasms together, hips rocking as one, slowing down until Jacob’s knees gave out and he slid down Edward’s legs to the leafy forrest floor, his chest rising and falling rapidly.  Edward stood still, concentrating on breathing.  The heat was fading from his fast and he tried to hold on to whatever was left as long as possible.  He swallowed thickly, running his hands through his hair that he was sure was messed up beyond all reason.  

Once Jacob found his breath and had calmed down enough to open his eyes, he stood slowly, watching Edward carefully re-dress, dusting off any dirt and leaves.
“Well, uh...”

Edward smiled nervously.  He had never been in this situation, had no idea what came next.  He wracked Jacob’s brain, he as it seemed, as had about as much knowledge as Edward did.  His eyes met Jacob’s and suddenly, they weren’t the eyes of an animal.  They weren’t even the eyes of a man.  They were Jacob’s eyes, and that’s all they needed to be.  Edward opened his mouth to something, anything when...


Two sets of heads spun to the entrance of the clearing.  Two eyes stared, transfixed at the figure.  Two hearts raced.


The Night I Became A Ninja
10:15 - 10:42pm, 6th December 2009

Tonight, something amazing happened. Tonight, I proved a national franchise and months of scientific research wrong. Tonight, I became a Ninja.

It all started after rather tedious day of working in the museum. For years, I have accepted that this will be my life. Years upon years of averageness and predictability. Little did I know what would be in store for me later that night... After work, I met my Mum and sister at Pak N' Save to buy groceries. It was there that I was enticed by Rip It Up magazine, featuring Muse on the cover. Drooling, I raced over there, wanting to buy it. I skimmed the glossy pages, finding myself disappointed by how average the article was. Then, I turned around. I saw it. Warner Brothers "The Magic Sword: Quest For Camelot".

Thrilled by my find (and the fact that it was only $10), I bought it, intending it to be a gift for my brother.

Once I got home and settled down to watch it, the real wonder began to unfold.

As it happens, the woman who served us at the supermarket did not remove the red security tag from the DVD. Perhaps she had made a mistake and forgotten to remove it, or perhaps she was a Ninja master in disguise, sending quests to those she could sense were worthy. I must have an aura about me as she knew I was up for the challenge.

And so Annette and I got to work. We tried to pry it open with a spoon (both ends), fail. We tried our teeth, fail. We tried reaching in our hands to pop open the disc and shimmy it out of the case, fail. We tried cutting the plastic DVD case with a craft knife, SUCCESS! However, the disc proved near impossible to free once we got the case open. The DVD itself was like a rare diamond, trapped in it's black, abysmal confinements, teasing us with it's rare beauty and what it has to offer us. The disc gleamed, light reflecting from it's metallic sheen, mocking us so. It was time to take this to the next level.

We asked Dad.

He managed to remove the disc, despite being held in place with the red security tag (that we've now learned continues all the way under where the disc sits).

And so, we've done it. We have completed the impossible. We have broken into a state of the art DVD security system in less than half an hour using only a spoon, our teeth, a craft knife, our father and our will to never give up.

I am a Ninja.

I have always liked  I like the weirdness and creativity that goes into creating fonts, because  fair few of them would offer very poor readability.  But that's not what they're necessarily for, are they?  A lot are made for decoration, individuality.

Which brings me to a horrible find.  The font Stylograph.  It is terrifyingly close to my normal handwriting, and yet, it was not made by me (would I ever name a font Stylograph?).  

Having both parents who are teachers probably influenced the way I write as I've been told I have teacher's handwriting.  It's quite messy, very loopy and all over the place, but I always liked it because it's mine and comes naturally to me.  I've developed it over the years, changed the way I write "4", capital G's and removed the dots from 'i' and 'j'.  However, despite a few differences (dots on i's for example), this font - Stylograph - is VERY similar.

This made me think about individuality in the arts.  I spend 20 years developing my own particular font, and someone else, somewhere in the world, has just about copied it.  And to go off from type, is it possible that there is someone out there somewhere who paints just like I do?  Is anything really individual?
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 The concept of happiness, and the levels that it's measured in is highly debatable.  Some people think happiness is feeling ecstatic, when things are great.  Some people think happiness is a line that rises and falls and others think it simply means not being sad.

I think if you decide that happiness means ecstasy, you're setting everything else up for mediocrety or less.  If you're only happy when something incredible happens, does that mean you're unhappy when something good happens?  I find that idea very sad, and even sadder that I think I know people who think like this.  They're setting themselves for an unhappy life, in my opinion.

The idea of happiness being a line that rises and falls sounds good, but isn't right for me.  It makes a lot more sense, I think of measuring happiness by events.  Sometimes something good happens, then something bad, then something amazing, then a slight dip and so all.  However, I like continuity and am lucky enough to have a "good life" so I can chose option three...

I feel that I am happy when I'm not sad.  I am happy all the time, until something happens to alter that.  In my life, I am lucky enough to have friends, family, accomodation, education and plenty of love in my life that I CAN think like that.  I find that if I look at my life from an outsiders view who doesn't know me, my life is pretty good.  Compared to so many unhappy people, I am happy and until I feel upset or angry, or depressed or thrilled, I am happy.

What I find terribly saddening though, if I feel that a lot of my friends also have blessed lives.  Blessed compared to so many other people, but they view happiness and being happy in a different way than I do.  And sometimes I just get so sad for them.

Holidays...and about time too!
As soon as I drop my visual diary into the little red plastic box upstairs, I'll officially be on holiday.  Well, for two weeks anyway.  Actually, one week so that I have time to write my speech.  Oh, and then there's the hours I have at work...

So not much of a holiday then.  But the thing is, it's be a mental break for a week or so.  I know that I need the escape from the push to commercial products, clients and whatever else lecturers are saying is inevitable.  This has been the toughest semester yet.  Last semester, studying was new and fresh and full on and I wanted to prove to my lecturers, my parents and myself that I'm not stupid, I'm capable of this.  I wanted to show that I was enjoying it, that I was happy.  And some of the time, I was.  Like that book assignment?  That was fantastic - I really got into that.   But not this semester.

I feel...suffocated.  That's a very extreme word, and I don't want to sound like an emo, but it seems like what we're working for is a job at a company at a desk with a computer and clients and deadlines.  That isn't me.  Now, the hard part.  Do I  really not want that?  Or am I too young, making my ideas unrealistic.  "Jobs are like that and you have to knuckle down eventually".  It all seems rather depressing, if that's the case.

However, I have a week to myself, to be who I am.  Then, after the holidays, four weeks of stress (including the verbal presentation I've been literally crying over) and then three full months for me.  The only thing I'll have to worry about it getting the right shade of teal, or maybe carrying a canvas home on the bus.  Such miniscule woes compared to that of studying.

And I can't wait.

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A Brand New Box
 Well well, as it happens, this is my first day of being 20 years old.

Right now, it's pretty damn sweet.  I'm sitting in the sun with my brand new Mac, listening to a mixture of the new Muse and Eyes Set To Kill.  I'm pretty damn lucky, but I've had my share of meltdowns at the thought of turning 20.  I mean, it's terrifying, right?  Not only am I no longer a teenager and in a whole new box, but that box comes with a whole new set of expectations.

Mainly, I don't  feel 20.  I feel and mostly act, like a 17 year old.  I'm unconfident, shy but sometimes silly.  I have no idea what I want to do with my life and career and haven't moved out of home/gotten my license/been in a proper relationship all for the same reason:  I'm scared.

Pathetic right?  I mean, I remember sitting with friends at school when I was 14 - 16, feeling like the coolest person in my group.  At certain points, I thought I was the "leader".  I used to boast (mainly to myself) about MY group, MY friends.  But now?  I have my group of friends, but they're not mine.  I'm just in there.  

I'm not sure what happened, where so much of my confidence went.  Maybe the confidence is mostly there, just the teenage cockiness left.  So for now, I'm going to keep sitting in the sun in my parents house, listening to Muse.  Because, for now, that's okay isn't it?


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